Top 10 Different Types of Penises! (With Videos)

Top 10 Different Types of Penises!

23

APR

So my CEO took the liberty of doing the Top 10 Different Types of Vaginas, therefore I will be bringing to you the Top 10 different types of Penises. Now at first I thought to myself “there can’t be THAT many different types of dicks, I mean big and small right?” Then I actually thought about it, had a few laughs, and then did some research. Now let’s discuss the various types of dicks there are out there.

1. The Rock – I like to call this one ‘Vin Diesel’. The Rock and Vin Diesel are clean cut, perfect in height as well as body, and definitely an all around good look. It’s that type of penis that not only just looks perfect, but their performance matches their appearance. 
2. The Ripley’s Believe it or Not – The small to average penis. You know the one that looks ‘blahh’ ‘ehhh’ or the “I guess I can work with that.” This is the one I refer to as the ‘Chris Brown’ because even though it’s your typical average penis, it will still beat it like no other. You look at it like it’s harmless but when reality hits and strokes are put to action, you become speechless.
3. Elephant Trunk – We all know that kind of dick that everyone refers to as ‘King Kong’ or the classic ‘Anaconda’.  Yeah the “It’s too big, it’s too wide, it’s too strong, it won’t fit” kind of dick. The one where he can be soft and his dick is still hanging out of his boxers. This is that type of penis where you have to proceed with EXTREME caution in fear that he won’t tear apart every organ inside of your body.
4. The Flowering Blossom – This is the late bloomer. When you two get intimate and you look down to see a shriveling pepper. You think it’s too late to just ditch out on him so you pray that it will end just as quick as it began. Guess what happens when he starts fucking you though? You feel him getting thicker, filing out every part of you. You look down at his stroke and your eyes grow big with the surprise he had in store for you. Yes honey, he’s bigger than average, it just took a while to get him there.
5. The Danny Devito – I’m sure this is quite self explanatory. You have that guy who looks like a Greek God on the outside but is working with “The Little Engine That Could” in his pants. It’s just short, chunky, and the only thing you can do when you see it is laugh. His dick is literally a comedian.                             
6. Pencil Dick – This is a well known HATED penis. I speak for many when I say size matters, BUT what’s the point in having the length if you don’t have the width to add up? You ever tried to find the perimeter of a pencil???? Me either and I don’t plan on it.
7. The Turtle Neck – I would have to say this is by far the MOST HATED out of them all. Sorry, NOT SORRY! Forgive me but it’s kind of a disgusting view to see your penis play peek-a-boo with your leftover skin.                                        
8. The Leaning Tower of Penis – Ahhh the infamous boomerang penis. Here is the penis that curves like no other, whether it’s down, up, left, or right. You spend a little time trying to figure out the cheat codes to his controller. This can either be a blessing if he knows how to use it to benefit the both of you or a curse if he is already huge in the pants and doesn’t know how to work it to the best of his ability.
9. The Pre-Cummer – Regardless of his size he’s that dick that can’t even make it past foreplay without cumming on his leg or stomach. He’s either sensitive or doesn’t spend enough time training himself. There is no reason he should be letting off loads before sex has even started.
10. The Rocky – You all have seen that movie about the ugly kid and the blind girl. His face was hideous but he had a good heart and BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH! NO!! I’m terribly sorry, I DON’T CARE how good your face and heart is, if your dick looks like it has been through a garbage disposal there is no way in heaven or hell that this will work.

There you have it! I’m sure many of you have come across at least half of those listed above, don’t be afraid to comment and discuss your interesting encounters. We’d love to hear about them! HAPPY HUMP DAY !!