The Best Things to Say before, during, and after Sex

My guess is that it's not all that rare. Some men enjoy masturbating to people they know because they're turned on by the fantasy of it actually happening. Unlike with porn stars, you have a sense of them as real people. But don't take it too far. Unless she sends signals that she's into you (and into that), don't share this update.

I get a thrill when I see a news items about female teachers and 17 year-old boys. (Tom, Westwood, MA)
Lots of guys find such stories titillating—and that's okay. There's a history in this country of objectifying teachers. It may remind you of a time when your own hormones raged and you were, as Van Halen put it, hot for teacher. With all the media coverage lately providing every racy detail, it's not surprising that you might have trouble turning it off.


When I talk with any woman, I flirt and imagine her in bed, even if I'm not interested. (Gary, Seattle, WA)
Perverted? Not exactly. But there are important rules. If you flirt with someone who you know is in love with you and you don't feel the same way, it's cruel. If a woman asks you to stop and you don't, it's harassment. (Plus, your wife or girlfriend may think you're not satisfied.) Harmless compliments can give a woman's confidence a boost. But if you're just playing games, it may be your confidence that needs a lift.


The woman's voice on my car's GPS turns me on. (Lane, San Diego, CA)
Not perverted, and not even accidental. Scientists (and yes, marketers) know all about the kinds of voices men and women prefer, how long the phrases they speak should be, and the optimal levels of high or low pitch that will draw you in. But if you find yourself becoming a little too turned on? Just do your fellow motorists a solid and pull over.

I find sex with a woman hotter if she's wearing some clothes. (Sean, Birmingham, AL)
That's not strange—that's Tuesday night. How else do you explain crotchless underwear or nipple-exposing bras? When she leaves a little something on, it makes sex feel more urgent. That feeling is deeply flattering. But there's a difference between liking and demanding. Try not to do the latter too often, or all she'll want to show you is the door.

I wish I were flexible enough to give myself a BJ. (Phil, Chicago, IL)
Hey, why does a dog lick its privates? Because it can. If you could do that, you'd be a rare bird indeed. Less than 1 percent of men can make mouth-to-penis contact. That was the conclusion of sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and his team after they interviewed thousands of men. You'd need extreme flexibility or a very long penis. So it's a harmless fantasy, and your desire isn't weird. Will Ferrell did a whole SNL yoga-class skit on it. Dream on.